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[17 May 2005|01:28am] |
what i would give for a taste of passion.
the little boys bore me so
...one day...soon. i'll find a man that will grab my face...shape the lines of my cheek bones and chin, with the rough warm palms of his hands.
and everything that came before that moment will become dust on an empty shelf.
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[25 Mar 2005|03:22am] |
run and hide.....
run and hide....
runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrun
i'll never stop
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[19 Mar 2005|03:25am] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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Eskimo/ Damien Rice |
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I told Ray and Amanda that I was going to skull fuck myself with a cucumber..sweet huh?
Ooo what shit i've slipped on this past week..weeks? I'm growing tired of questions...the same ones over and over disguised in different forms. But i'm afraid that as soon as i stop questioning .. i'll end up somewhere i don't want to be. Change is good yes? ahh but at what rapid and nauseeating speed my mind flys from one relm to the next. I wish someone was at my pace (or i could slow down). It might be cocky or foolish of me to say...but i see so many people living in stages i've already passed. So i've grown a patience for others...but i guess sometimes i snap. I want someone to pick me apart. Just tear me into itty bitty shreads. I do it all the time to everyone else (probably my worst character flaw) I see things in people and i rip them out to show them. Absolutally uneccessary. I need to learn how to candy coat things..and not be so blunt (better yet just shut the fuck up).
Who the hell am i to critisize--pick--poke--shake. It doesn't do jack diddly anyway. The only way people learn is for themselves. We fuck up enough ...and hopefully with the help of common sense..we adjust. Let living be liveing! We can't constantly look down on the rest of the world because we don't think alike/look alike/talk alike/dress alike/act alike. How selfish! Blame society for everything if it makes you feel any better... But unless you are willing to change society to fit your perfect scenerio...you're wasteing your time. "THIS IS WHATS WRONG WITH THE WORLD!".....yea so what? are you going to do anything about it? Let it go.
...I am jake's hypocracy.
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[31 Jan 2005|10:37pm] |
As much as i'd like to believe that there is more to life than money...i know in the back of my mind that the green is equally valued as much as breathable air. Pathetic. Disgusting. I really did want to go to AI..i day dreamed about it. Can you imagin doing something you want? I used to be able to. It's gone now. I've come to the pessimistic conclusion that people don't get what they want...they end up settling for second best. Yea, and now that i can't afford to go to the school of my dreams i get to settle for some mediocer future..filled with waitress jobs and secretarial positions. Joy. But i'll have my own place in the process. My own place away from here.
It's hard for me to understand why people love it here so much. When i think of Woodbridge 10 years from now i'll think of the Hardtimes...Hardtimes...and the general feeling of being imprisoned by rules and money. This place means the end of the begining i never had the chance to start.
So i raise my glass....to the end of something beautiful that i never had the chance to see. Was it selfish of me to even imagin? I'm an idiot. I did this to myself and now I have myself to blame for it.
Isn't life Grand?
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[22 Jan 2005|03:13am] |
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my head rose and fell with each of his breaths. listening contently to his heart beat....slow...quick...slower...faster. and as much as i wanted to stay awake to listen to every thud, the constant motions put me to sleep. comfort. the most genuine kind.
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[13 Jan 2005|11:59pm] |
Honestly i haven't been this happy in so long. I'm completely content with every aspect of life. Thats right i'm bragging...you vixin on me? fack off.
I'll have to post some of my nar pics from the past couple of weeks, but that still woudln't do it any justice. I love Kenz...i really do. Theres nothing better then having someone like her. <3
The BROS are glorious..i'll miss Mike and Matt Tremendously. But i have a feeling Kenz and i will be down at VCU a lot.
Hes still wearing my rubberband. <3
JUDDDAYYYYY
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[27 Dec 2004|11:37am] |
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humph. For some reason i think i'm the only person that any of my entrees makes sense to. I'm really not worried about a damn thing in life..well at the moment..i just have thoughts that collect in my head at night ..so i stumble over to the computer to jot them down. Unfortunatly, i wish i was bothered by some of the things that pop into my head. But i'm not, i completely accept the fightless battles. cha. So no worries, cause there are no worries from this side of the screen. if that makes sense?
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[26 Dec 2004|12:20am] |
we all die alone. true? I guess. Then what is living for anyway?
I was tlaking to my friend at work the other day, and she was saying how when you die, its the people that remember you that carry you on. living in their memories i guess. But memories are so easily distorted. Somehow we incorporate so much more meaning in simple visions from the past ...funny. Well say we do "live on through people's memories"...what if they remember us wrong? The way people remember you can not in any way explain in detail a whole entire life. I dunno, i think its bullshit. Sometimes i just get this feeling that everyone is infinitly alone. Can you imagin being alone your whole life..and not knowing it. crazy.
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